I had a kid ask me, “Why is it so important to stay calm on the mat?” He had just done his first tournament that past weekend. During our private lesson the following week, I was telling him how well he kept his composure, even when he wasn’t happy with his performance. When he asked me why it’s so important, for a moment, I was stumped. It made me think: Why is it so important?
We see a lot of emotion on the mats, particularly with children. Tears are often their only way of expressing frustration, pain, or doubt. Those emotions don’t just disappear as we grow older — they evolve. Yet, expressing them on the mats remains difficult. At times, crying feels almost immature, as if I’m “too old” for it. While that’s not necessarily true, there are better ways to navigate those feelings and adrenaline than through tears.
So, I told my student, “We want to make sure our competitor feels proud of their performance. We don’t want them to feel bad about how they did, even if you don’t feel so great about your own performance.”
[5 Ways to Be a Better Training Partner, Part 2]
Jiu Jitsu, like all martial arts, emphasizes respect and humility. Losing your temper can come off as disrespectful to teammates, opponents, and instructors. Emotional control is key in both training and competition. If you let emotions take over, it can prevent you from learning from the experience, whether you won or lost. Emotional outbursts can negatively affect the training environment, making it uncomfortable for others. A controlled, respectful atmosphere benefits everyone.
When I was a kid, I cried after every single match I competed in — win or lose. Even now, at 15 years old, matches remain emotionally challenging; I still find myself tearing up during especially frustrating moments. I think many jiu-jitsu practitioners, especially younger martial artists, can relate.
When I competed in my first tournament, I ended up crying the entire time. The other competitors seemed so tough, and I felt completely unprepared. I was disappointed with my performance, confused, and frustrated—those emotions almost led me to excuse my performance in the next match.
Subconsciously, I carried that mindset with me through my competition career. I cried when the referee raised my opponent’s hand, or when I was squished under a tight side control. My frustration would carry from match to match, making it hard for me to perform well, and eventually contributing to my last-place finish.
[What to Say if Your Kids Lose Their Match]
Mindset
It’s almost hard to admit, but I didn’t learn to control my emotions and let go of my anger until I was at least 13. I finally put myself in a good headspace, breathing deeply throughout matches rather than balling my fists.
This — having a good mindset — was almost like the key to victory. That’s not to say I win every match — I certainly don’t. The victory, rather, is in my own mind. It’s easier for me to lose, and it’s easier for me to learn from my mistakes.
I’ve realized now that my opponents are not my enemies, but my teammates — same academy or not. I shouldn’t be angry with my opponents when I lose, but rather be thankful that they showed up and gave me a match. Sometimes we forget: we can’t do this without the challengers who face us on the mats. We can’t do this sport without the people who push us to grow. They’re not just our competitors, but also our partners in learning. We’re in this for the same purpose.
Learning to see my opponents in this light has made competitions so much easier. I make sure to chat with whoever I’m competing with before or after our matches; this helps take away some of the tension and makes the experience feel more like training with a friend rather than facing an enemy.
[Three Breathing Exercises to Calm Your Nerves]
Breathwork
Breathwork during training is vital as well. Taking a moment to center yourself and refocus makes it easier to push through to the end of your round. It helps calm the mind, reduce anxiety or frustration, and bring a sense of clarity. By focusing on your breath, you can manage your energy more efficiently, ensuring you don’t burn out too early. This mental reset also allows you to stay present, making it easier to adjust your strategy and respond more effectively to what’s happening on the mat.
I’ve found that taking just 10 seconds to calm myself down has, if not helped me pull through to win my matches, at least helped me stay more focused throughout. It allows me to stand up with a straight face — or even a smile — instead of tears.
These two key points — taking the mental stress off of the match and breathing throughout — have made my Jiu Jitsu career much less anxiety-driven. I’ve made more friends in this sport than I have anywhere else, and that makes competitions — and even training — much more enjoyable and feel almost casual. It lessens the burden of loss.
