The years following the pandemic, I, Iike many others, had lost sense of who I was and what community I wanted to be a part of. I found myself isolated, constantly searching for a community I resonated with. I felt anxious and uncertain both about my life’s path and about my self-image. I was easily overwhelmed and felt powerless to change my state of mind. 

September 2022, lining up for my first Easton Muay Thai class, I felt a strong dichotomy of emotions. I was nervous to embarrass myself, yet proud of myself for taking this step. I didn’t know what I hoped to gain, but my intuition told me it was the right path to try.

At the end of my first Easton Muay Thai class, I felt relief. I was able to keep up, received good feedback from my partner, and learned new technique. I still had reservations about myself, but I felt welcome in the space and ready to move forward. 

I had done about nine months of cardio kickboxing and four months of Muay Thai before Easton, but the focus had been more learning combos and not building my own style or intuition. As I continued, a less experienced student, I often struggled with strong feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I understood drills and combinations, but my body was slower to catch on. Some techniques came fairly quick, while others I felt like I would never progress with. 

Over many months of persistence, I began to realize I made more progress when I was patient and kind to myself. Letting feelings of frustration take over my mind broke my focus. I slowly stopped worrying about embarrassment, and found myself just enjoying training with the community. 

My mindset had shifted. I was now more excited to learn from my coaches and fellow students than anything else. Figuring out new combinations with training partners was the highlight of my day. Instead of feeling insecure when given a correction, I was excited to improve myself. 

[Unconscious Competence]

This change expressed itself in other areas of my life as well. At work, I found myself sharing my ideas more. I had more confidence when advocating for myself and better able to understand others’ perspectives and work with them on a solution — like I would with a training partner. Most importantly, I was able to take criticism as a learning experience, similarly to how I would learn from a coach’s critique on the mat. 

Recently, I competed in my first in-house scrimmage. When making the decision to participate, I surprised myself with how eager and excited I was. I knew the six week training camp would be one of the most physically and emotionally taxing trials I would undertake. And it was.

Late nights and long sessions left me exhausted and emotionally drained. However, rather than feeling anxious and backing down, I felt secure that I would be able to push myself to the end. Not only did I trust myself, but I trusted every single training partner and person participating in this event. I knew I belonged in this community. This was the first time I truly realized the transformation I had undergone during my training journey. 

[The People You Train With Become the People You Show Up For]

Of course, I still have days and sessions where I am anxious, nervous, and frustrated with myself and my own progress. Two years ago, these feelings would have stopped me cold in my tracks and prevented me from getting on the mat. However, I now am able to clear my mind in these situations and focus on only what was in front of me. I always know that I am capable of dealing with challenges as they come. I find myself looking forward to new challenges, whereas I used to avoid uncomfortable situations.

Muay Thai and the Easton community has given me something I never thought I would have: confidence and trust in myself. No matter what challenges I face in my life, this will never be taken from me. I know who I am now, and more importantly I know who I choose to be, both on and off the mat. 

[How Martial Arts Changed My Life: Choose Your Finish]