“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it…but love it.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
While on a recent trip to Okinawa, Japan, I visited a memorial museum called Himeyuri Cenotaph. This memorial site is to commemorate the two hundred plus high school girls from Okinawa that were conscripted to serve as nurses during the bloody battle of Okinawa, which occurred from April 1 to June 22, 1945.
Learning about the heart breaking stories from the survivors flooded me with emotions. These young girls were forced into the conflict by no choice of their own and had to endure unimaginable horrors of the war. As I went through the museum, I wondered what life would have been like for these girls….. or should have been like…if the war had never happened.
I then realized that if not for this war, the life that I now love would have never taken place.
You see, I was stationed in Okinawa as a United States Marine. I married an Okinawan woman who gave birth to my amazing son. I am somehow part of this culture now, and her extended family have accepted me as one of their own.
Over the years, I have also embraced and fell in love with the Okinawan island and its culture. All of these emotions came over me while at this Himeyuri Cenotaph site. I really do wish that this war never took place and that these people could have lived in peace. However, without this war, I would have never found myself stationed there. I never would have met my beautiful bride and young Xander would not exist.
What would my life be like if someone had a time machine and somehow put a stop to WWII? Would I be this happy? Would I be blessed with such a wonderful family? I don’t know the answer to that.
Thinking about this made me wonder about the fate of my own lifetime and of those whom I encounter. What choices and events in our lives, good and bad, shape our destinies?
Amor Fati, the latin phrase meaning “love your fate,” comes to mind. We have no choice but to embrace and love our fate, no matter where it leads us. The point is not just to endure your fate, but to love every aspect of it.
[Resistance: Embrace the Suck + Invoke the Muse]
Overcoming adversity in martial arts
We can apply this mindset to our martial arts training. It’s unlikely that any Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belts went through all of their training, all of their belt promotions, with no struggle or setbacks. Some might have gone through horrible injuries. Others might have had hard financial times and had to take time off. Career changes, divorces — so many examples of strife that individuals go through in their journey.
Given all of this struggle, I would guarantee that all of them appreciate their setbacks and, if given the chance, would not want to change a thing. Once we pass through whatever struggles we’re dealt, we often look back and realize that those difficulties improved us somehow. Better resilience, patience, strength — all possible outcomes from facing adversity and getting through it.
A friend of mine from a past Jiu Jitsu academy told me about a terrible injury he sustained when coming up in his BJJ career. A purple belt at the time, he had a significant shoulder injury that needed surgery. After a successful surgery, his doctor told him he would need a year off from training Jiu Jitsu for it to heal properly.
This was impossible, he thought. There was no way he could stay off the mats for an entire year. He told the doctor this, and they eventually agreed on a solution. He had to completely isolate his arm with bandages and tape under his gi, and train with his one arm. Even worse, his injured side was his strong side.
For him, however, the obstacle was the way. He trained like this for several months until his shoulder fully recovered. In the end, his “weak” side became at least as good as his strong side, if not better.
[We’re Defined by What We’re Willing to Struggle For]
This also reminds me of former U.S. Navy Seal, BJJ black belt and podcaster Jocko Willink and his way of saying “GOOD!”
Jocko says, when things go bad….”GOOD!” You have an opportunity to learn, to reset, to figure out a solution. Didn’t get promoted? Good! Have an injury? Good! You got tapped out by a lower belt? Good!
We most definitely won’t enjoy these types of things in the very moment they occur, but once we realize how much stronger we can become by facing and even appreciating these setbacks, therein lies the power of amor fati.
So, whatever you face, on or off the mats, try to remember how you got through something similar in your past and how it might have helped you grow as a person. Remember amor fati. Remember that the obstacle is the way, and keep moving forward without regrets of past or worries of the future.
